chubred

2006-08-30T13:53:00.000-07:00

I had an interesting day today that would have been worthless had i not met Karen. I went to my wife's hometown today to drop off my nephew (It's hard to believe that I have nephews now, just because I'm married). He'd been with us Monday and Tuesday to spent a couple days hanging out with my sister, Rana and I and having fun in the big city. We saw the enthepomology museum, bought some vcds, went to the water park and rode a train. Hopefully we made some memories that he'll remember for a lifetime ( I know I did.)

When I went to drop him off, his mom mentioned that her friend (also a friend of my wife) wanted me to meet with her to talk about a new believer who's coming to Adana. I had been reluctuant to offer myself as the guy who'd "follow up" with this young man upon previously hearing about him, but I agreed to go meet her because I was curious about the cafe ministry they're doing through their church. It turned out that God had it in mind for me to be encouraged by meeting a woman of great faith and veteran in ministry to Turks.

I should start by updating on my reading of "Organic Church". While I was on the bus, I was reading a chapter that made me hunger again for something more, something deeper for our new believers... something I can't give them. The chapter I read made the strong point that in the first 24-48 hours of a new believer's life, we need to be very consious to connect them immediately to something that will be constant for the rest of their jouney as a Christian, namely Jesus. He said that we're so eager to connect new believers to a church meeting (on Sundays, and other days), to books, to teaching tapes and to every other 'good' thing, without connecting them to the source; Jesus. He made the point that people who are supposed to be fed by Christ Himself, end up growing up thinking that they're mainly supposed to be fed by others. He used the illustration from nature that in the same way birds remember their mother (the provider) by who they first see after feeding, new believers likewise often attach themseleves to the first spiritual feeder they encounter in their new life as a Christian.

Reading that is probablly the thing that made me want to connect myself to the new believer that Karen mention who was returning to my home town rather than trusting that he'd be able to contact one of the Turkish churches. Not because i wanted to be his spiritual daddy, but because I wanted to somehow see if God would use me to lead this new young believer to first see Jesus as the daddy and his source of spiritual food.

What happened is that in going to get this guy's 'contact info' I met a woman who I think Rana and I both have much to learn from. When i'd briefly met her at our wedding, she struck me as a former hippy turned m------ary. A 50 old freak who lived in Antioch. Well, I guess that my judgement (for a change) was right. After spending the afternoon with her, I still would have to concur with my origional impressions, and I'd have to add a few as well. I was so inspired by her. In so many ways I want to be like her. Here are some of the things that impressed me.

Although she still seemed like a 50-year old who lives like a 23-year old YWAMer, the biggest thing I was impressed with is that she seems to be herself in a position where many people are quick to tell others how one should dress, act, and be a good m------ary. I noticed that she dresses funny, she wears glasses that really stick out, paints her nails all funky colors, and just has an air of someone who's willing to be themself (general no-nos for people in cross cultural ministry.) She also does a few things that are somewhat awkward for a single woman in Turkish culture; namely, she opens her home to young people who are abandoned by family and friends, not so weird, but a little more weird when one of her housemates has been a young homosexual man (no matter what's acceptable in Europe and America, it's not en-vogue to be a homosexual in Turkey.) The willingness to dress in her own manner and break some cultural mores in order to follow Jesus isn't what impressed me, what impressed me is that in her willingness to just be herself and be who God has made her to be, the Turks are incredibally comfortale with her and seem to be drawn to her (even if she's quite a bit older than them.) THat's one thing that impressed me, she is just herself, and the Turks love her and respond to her as she is.

Another thing that impressed me is the way she seems to really love people; especially people in the family of God. In the time that I was in their "cafe" I was impressed by the genuine affection that she had for the other believers that came through the Church courtyard as we were there. She just seemed to love them and to have a genuine interest in their lives.

It wasn't a suprise to me to hear her talk then about how she feels that as God's family, we have to be willing to be a family or a community to people who have to leave their normal surroundings to confess faith in Christ. She said at one point "how can we expect new believers to tell their family about Christ if we're not ready to be their family if and when they get rejected?" What a great point!

Another thing that impressed me was the reality that she seems to actually be incarnating the life of Christ to those she ministers to. She made some comments that she rarely leaves Antioch these days, and that her best friends now are people in the community. I got the impression that she was talking about both foreigners and nationals. She looks so foreign from her clothes, but she lives so local. I'll be nobody notices her when she walks down the street, because she's just living in her world; namely Antioch.

After all of this, it shouldn't be a suprise that while hanging out with her, I met two men who have been walking with Jesus for 8 or 9 years.

All I'm saying is that I was inspired. I want us to keep living with passion for Jesus when we're 50. I want to really live my life here, and be an example of real, normal Christian living over the long haul (not a m------ary who runs off to other citys and conferences to "get refreshed" ever 3 or 4 months. I want to make my life and find my friends here. I want to be authentic, honest and myself around my Turkish friends, not put on a fascade because I'm trying to "do ministry." I want to trust God for real community (not just a crowded Sunday meeting) here in Adana for new believers to be a part of, I want us to be a couple who's willing to listen to God's voice and do whatever crazy thing he puts on our heart (even if it means opening our house in some weird circumstances,) and I want our lives to be bearing fruit 8 and 9 years from now.

2006-08-23T14:39:00.000-07:00

I'm currently reading the book "Organic Church" by Neil Cole. I'm about halfway through it, and it really seems to be confirming some of the things that The Lord has been saying to us in other ways. Some of my basic observations from the book are contained below.

Mr. Cole believes, like many others, that the Church as we've come to know it is quickly becoming irrelevant. He points out in the introduction that the mandate of the Church has gradually changed from "go and tell" to "come to us." He states that there is a problem inherent in the way we're doing church in North America (and I'd say, in Turkey as well.) He starts by challenging the reader to ask some key questions; namely “who is Jesus to you?” What is the Church to you?” he says that if we aren’t connected to Jesus, we won’t build strong churches (duh.) He says that in fact Jesus is the one who builds the church, and that the church that he builds is His, it’s growing, it faces persecution, and eventually, it becomes unstoppable. One of his key points in the beginning of the book is that if Christians want to be a part of this kind of Church, they must be willing to go to where those who don’t know Jesus are.

Throughout the book he shares a lot of stories he’s seen in his ministry since heading down this path. He gives a picture of seeing a lot of churches started spontaneously and reproducing themselves. It’s great to hear that this is happening in the states. It seems that when he speaks of churches being started, he’s talking about small groups that are independent organisms following Jesus together. Wonderful!

Some points he makes to debunk myths about church life are the following.
• The Church is a living organism, not a static institution.
• The church is more than a building
• The church is not meant to be bound to a single location
• The church is much more than a once-a-week service
• The kingdom of God is meant to be decentralized, but people tend to centralize.
• We are each God’s temple, and together, we are also His temple.

He criticizes churches that have become more like a computer system than a family. His diagnosis is that a lot of “churches” were never planned by God, but just by the people leading them, therefore, ministry is done “for Jesus” not “by Jesus.”

Again, the refreshing thing in all of this, is that his church movement is really experiencing these things. They’re seeing lives changed and churches planted. They say “the churches’ quality should be measured by the quality of it’s disciples.” It seems that they’re growing mature disciples.

He talks through some of Jesus’ parables. He starts with the parable of the soils. He talks about key ingredients being good seed (the Word of God) and good soil (broken people.) He makes the point in this chapter that the greatest candidates for the gospel end up being poor, uneducated people with broken lives. He makes a strong argument from scripture; namely, “bad people make good soil.” A very compelling argument. He also makes the interesting point that only one of five “new believers” makes it. He also says it encourages him in his work to know that people who seem to come to Christ fall away. It’s reality, even in the parables.

He uses Mark 4:26-29 to talk about the reality that the good seed planted on good soil, truly grows on it’s own. He describes the fact that seeds grow on their own. He says that we in ministry expend so much energy in trying to make people grow, when only God can. We should (he says) be more invested in sowing (i.e. sharing our faith.)

In Chapter 7 he goes on to share his theory that Churches are best grown on the core of 2 or 3 people engaged in open, bible saturated fellowship and accountability. He makes a point (a weak one) that this is the ideal number for fellowship because of the fact that community, accountability, confidentiality, flexibility, communication, direction and leadership are stronger in this size of groups. Interesting, but it’s hard to see it as “the” biblical model like he does.

So far, as I read this book, I really like what I hear, and feel even more confirmed in my feeling that I don’t want to plant Churches that follow a pattern of Church that isn’t working in America. Why would we reproduce such a broken model. We had a nice evening with my wife, my brother in law and his girlfriend from another city. As we were talking, my wife asked her how things are going at the international church she attends, and what she likes about it. She was like “it’s so great, we have a nice new building (although it’s really expensive) and we even have a Pastor’s office and an office for the secretary. It’s really cool, and it’s becoming more Turkish and stuff. There are lots of ministries and programs to be involved in. If I wanted to, I could be doing Christian stuff every night of the week. Of course I don’t because I don’t want to lose my relationships with my co-workers and other unbelieving friends… etc. “ It was so interesting to hear how she described church in such a way that it just sounded like a cheap replica of what’s normal in America. “we just started doing bulletins too,” she said. I’m surprised my wife didn’t puke. Anyways, we’re still in a church like that anyways, but as we continue to pray, we just hope and pray that God will give us the privilege to be involved in a Church that is his creation. A church that’s built on his principles and that grows and helps to cover the whole earth as the waters cover the sea.http://

2006-08-21T13:33:00.000-07:00

In recent days, I've been amazed at how quickly God seems to be changing my perspective (and Rana's). It seems like He's really using the ministry of Wayne Jacobson through his podcast, and the book "so you don't want to go to church anymore" that we read months ago, and a teaching series about the cross that we both started listening to recently. The big thing that we keep coming back to through their ministry is a sincere desire in both of our hearts to really know the father and to experience his love. I told a friend last night on the phone, that these guys speak of a level of relationship with the father that I really long for. It seems like the Lord is ushering us into it gradually. I was listening to the podcast "walking with the man Jesus Christ" (www.lifestream.org) last week while painting some balcony chairs and it dawned on me that I'm so ready to take a step back in my relationship with the Lord and just admit that I don't know him well, to confess in my own heart that I don't have the relational intimacy with him that seems like it should be normal in the Christian life. To begin seeking him in a new way that's open to admitting in the end that I really didn't know him.

As I thought through these things, it dawned on me that this is a strange place for a professional minister to be in. It's a strange place to be in when you're expected to be a "spiritual leader" to others. I don't know what I'm saying other than that it's really freeing to know that God is calling me out of vocational ministry for a time. I'm ready to just be a normal guy on the journey (not a trail guide who doesn't know the path he's taking people on.) Ironically, it seems like from that vantage point, I'll even be in a better position to influence my Turkish friends toward this journey to relationship with Jesus, even if a year from now, I've only made minimal progress. It seems like Rana is such a better specimen of what our Turkish friends need (a normal person, living a fairly normal life and moving toward a more real relationship with Christ) than me (a professional Christian who's trying to lead others to a relationship with Christ, in spite of the fact that he's trying to figure it out himself, trying to be faithful to his "job", my "calling" or whatever. All that to say, I'm excited for November or December when I'll turn over my position of leadership to qualified replacements and start seeking more of a normal job.

Even in the whole question of wondering what God is going to do with us in terms of changing churches, becoming part of a Turkish church plant, or whatever, it's freeing to know that we'll be doing it because we want to, not because it's our job, or cause it's expected of me because of my position, or whatever. In all of this, I still have a feeling that God is going to use us to lead/influence etc, it will just feel different, it will be because of the normal flow of relationships (i.e. us being a little older in age and a little older in the Lord) , not because of a position

In all of this, the cool thing is that I'm not feeling much of a sense of rebellion in my heart or bitterness, or even a sense of "leaving the ministry" it just seems like we're moving on to the next thing, the most healthy thing for both of us. I'm glad that we're going to have the freedom to just be ourselves, without the influence of a missions board or a sending church, but I don't feel like we're rebelling against those things, it just feels like we have to be out from under them in order to figure out who we are, live normal lives in Turkey, and move forward in our desire to be part of a healthy Turkish church for the young people God has placed in our lives. In all of this, there is a sense of excitement and confirmation that we're moving in the right direction.

But back to the first paragraph where I mentioned that my perspective seems to be changing. In recent months, I can't believe how certain seeds of thoughts planted in my head have began to blossom into major questions that I am finally daring to ask; for example

@ why do we keep talking about "tithing" when it seems to have vitrually no grounding in proper New Testament exegesis?
@ what's up with professional Christians who spend so much time writing books, reading books, criticizing other Christians and patting their buddies on the back? I've been drawn to the "together for the gospel" blog and to Justin Taylor's blog a lot recently, and I just can't believe how much effort goes into all this stuff. It strikes me as really weird all the sudden. It used to seem normal. It seems really arrogant all the sudden.
@ we haven't had many people attending our fellowship over the summer, generally less than 15 adults, in a room meant to hold 100. We still sit in rows, sing songs with overheads and microphones and a 'worship team' and listen to a sermon as though we were in a huge auditorium. What's up with that? Isn't it funny? It seems like a few of these systems are really there to cater to large groups (like the "sermon" where one person prepares and just talks while others listen, and the rehearsed, planned leading/following pattern of song-singing, auditorium-style seating, etc. But we're so married to this system that we stick with it, even when it's soooo awkward. Why are three people standing in front of a group of 12 "leading singing" why are we sitting in rows when there's a much more relational setting in the fellowship room? Why doesn't the sermon become more interactive when we're in a group small enough to interact? Because we think that if we did it any different, it wouldn't be "church", it would be a small group, and that's not what we do on Sunday mornings.
on that note, wouldn't it be a lot more relational to meet in homes?
@ Why do we have a pulpit in the church? We're in Turkey for God's sake! That tradition didn't have to come with us from America. It's so weird.
@ Is "preaching" as we do it in American churches really causing life change in anyone?

The big question I keep asking is "do I really want to bring any more new believers into this setting?" "do I really want to teach someone who has little or no experience with 'church' that this is Christ's bride?" The answer is no. I really hope and pray that God will use us to provide an alternative.

chubred

2006-07-13T13:21:00.000-07:00

I haven't written here for a while and as this site has been unattended, my thoughts also have laid somewhat dormant about the questions I was wrestling with heavily a month ago. In the time since my last entry, I've been caught up pretty much in life as normal, as if there is such a thing, when the states, talking to old friends, introducing my wife to them and spending time with my family. I do come back over and over again to the questions I was wrestling with, they just haven't rolled over and over in my thoughts as they'd been before. I fear for how quickly I can go from wrestling with big and weighty things, to not really bothering with it. Returning to our home, however, in the last week has re-surfaced most of our questions, and it takes me back and makes me wonder if I missed things the Lord wanted to tell me while I was in the states. Looking at the names in the last entry, I'm reminded of the conversations that were hot while having them, those with Adam, carlos, Brent, Mark and Dan.

What was I hearing from those guys? If I recall, with Adam, we talked about a lot. What I remember most though was talking about his friend Scott who'd been surveying friends at work, with the main question being (posed to people of all walks of life); if you were going to start a church, would would it look like. I asked Adam what his answer was. He focused on the fact that it wouldn't revolve around a weekly meeting, a Sunday service so to speak. It would be focused on small groups. It would be in a place where genuine community could develop among a small group. He did express concerns about "solid teaching" and "structure" in a church that may not have a seminary-trained, salary-paid pastor. He commented that although he's been a part of his "church" for three years now, he still doesn't "really get anything out of the Sunday services".

I guess that's one of the things I keep coming back to concerning what doesn't seem to be working with the Christians I know; namely that Sundays meetings don't pay off. The work, effort, preparation, and planning that goes into Sunday services rarely produces in terms of deep and real spiritual transformation. My dad, as we talked, kept coming back to the fact that so few people seem to have "spiritual breakthrough" on a regular basis (in the words of Bruce Wilkerson in a teaching series that affected him so much.) I kept thinking "is he having regular spiritual breakthroughs?" "am I?" "are those around me?" "Is the guy who does most of the teaching at our church?" Or are we depending on things that have happened so far in our past to keep propelling us forward through life into a life that's fully surrendered to a God we know personally? Is our primary spiritual breakthrough still our conversion experience? Is the "church" as we tend to see and define it bringing us any closer to points of spiritual breakthrough?

In recent days, I've been listening to some talks by CH Mahaney, former pastor of a mega-church and leader of a denomination focused on church planting. He comments in passing, (while preaching on other topics) about the Church being the "dearest place on earth" in the words of Spurgeon, and about Sunday being the most glorious day of the week; because it's the day that the 'body' gathers together. He talks about the high and holy calling of "preaching the word" namely 'giving a sermon.' I wonder, is he experiencing something in his congregation that is lost on most congregations that are structured in this way? Is his church extraordinary in that way? Or is he just casting vision for something that he hopes for? Is he grasping for something that seems right based on others' experiences (like Spurgeon's)? Is he grasping for affirmation of a vocation that's been valued so highly (that of the 'professional minister') for generations, and that he's given his vocation to? I don't know. So many of my questions are colored by having read some articles by a Church leader who's openly critical of the idea of paid vocational clergy, in that it changes motivation for ministry and takes it out of the hands of the average person (Frank Viola.) It's made me ask, "is this just a tradition we can't give up?"

Then I think back to my evening with Carlos. Carlos is a young man I saw come to Christ through a ministry I was helping to lead at his community college a few years ago. I've seen him go from an unbeliever with a genuine spiritual interest to be a man of God. I served in campus ministry with him for a year in an unreached country. One thing that has always marked Carlos is the authenticity of his relationship with the Lord. When asking him what the sweetest times he's had in the context of fellowship or 'the church' have been, he comes back to his individual time with the Lord. He says the most important times for him (although he's been involved in and attended a handful of churches) are the times where he was just experiencing God through his Word. It made me long for that reality of relationship again (which I've experienced in recent days this week) and wonder if there's not a key there. He did comment that he's been in some good small groups, but his individal times with the Lord seem to have always fueled it.

This is all still rambling, and we certainly have no idea what's next for my wife and I as we seek the Lord on how to deal with all of these questions. I just know that we both want to do something different. We both want to see God put us in a situation where we'll really experience His body and bring others into it. I think he wants to do it in such a way that others can join it naturally, without having to learn a whole new world that is Church life and politics. We'll see.

2006-06-05T06:09:00.001-07:00

In the last week since starting this blog, I've traveled from my home in Western Asia, to my home-town in Minnesota, USA. I traveled with my new bride and my sister. Although the main point of our coming was my brother's wedding, I've already had many conversations that have fueled my desire to keep processing questions of what type of a church will actually draw people closer to God... What is Church as God intended it... What does God have for my wife and I?

I've started asking myself the question: "what settings of fellowship have drawn me closest to God?" and where do I feel like I've most fully experienced the body of Christ. I've already posed this question to a few close friends. I want to record these conversations and others before I forget .

Before I start, I want to just tell myself again that I really believe that the way God is going to move in my wife's and my life and in his church is to give us a vision that we can follow without condemning, caracaturing, or even comparing our dreams to the models of "church" that we're questioning. I have a fear of forming or founding something based on what we think others are doing wrong, rather than basing it on what God is leading us to do. Lord help us to listen and think about all expressions of your church, to analyze and ask you what you want us to do with the information we gather, and to not condemn. Amen.

A conversation with my dad:
Dad/Adam/Mark and Dan/Carlos/Brent

The day after we got home my Dad and I sat out on the porch after everyone had gone to bed, smoked a couple cigars and talked. As we talked, he began to share about his heart for my brother and his new wife. She is mother to a 9 year old girl and also native to the small town where we grew up in. Our town is the typical American small town. About 3000 people, a couple big markets, a small high-school, a lot of bars and about the same number of churches along the standard lines, Catholic, 3 Lutheran, Methodist, Presbyterian, 2 Baptist (one progressive willow-creeek style, one more conservative), a few smaller charismatic congregations along with a few others I'm sure. When Christ's followers look for a place to fellowship, the options are not as limited as one would think. There are actually many options. But for a young man like my brother, and his new wife (who's spend 9 years as a single mom in a small town) there are probably serious barriers in each of those congregations that makes it hard to start attending any of them, especially with he being raised in the contemporary Baptist church and she being raised in a more nominal Lutheran congregation.)

As I sat and talked with my Dad on the porch that night, he shared with me that although he was very skeptical at first (2-1/2 years ago) as I started sharing my vision for reaching university students overseas with the gospel, he's been so encouraged to see all that God has done already through our ministry overseas, and that seeing it first hand when they came for our wedding was a total confirmation that God is at work.

He he went on to share about how much the books "Back to Jerusalem" and the "Heavenly Man" (books about the underground church movement in China) have shaped his vision of God being able to do great things to bring people to himself and build his church, and has given him faith that God can and does do great things to bring men and women to himself.

He shared how he at one time was very concerned that his daughter was in a relationship with a Christian man from a Muslim family, but over the year, his perspective has changed, and God has given him faith that God could use my sister and this guy (if they were to marry) to penetrate that family and their surroundings with the gospel.

He went on to say that in all of this, he's been given faith to believe that God could even use he, my mom, and our family to draw my brother, his new wife, and her daughter into a relationship with himself. He is even praying that in the course of all these things, God will use our family to reach their extended family. Although none of us are really sure where my brother or his wife is in terms of thief faith, it's plain to all that they are open to a deeper relationship with God. My parents are not very pushy in trying to figure out "where she's at" and neither are we, nor do we push with him, but in both of them we see things that give hope that they could easily be drawn into a deep and meaningful relationship with the Lord. Even as she walked down the aisle Saturday night, I couldn't help but cry as I prayed that God would make their family a wonderful picture of reconciliation to God, restoration to Honor in His family, and adoption as His daughters and sons. And as the wedding (which was in a pole barn 10 miles out of town on a hobby farm) went from a beautiful ceremony, to a nice dinner, to a good ol fashion barn dance, I too was filled with hope that God could use our small, unconnected family to reach her large extended family (almost all of whom still live in this same small town where my family lives.)

The place where I get hung up in hearing my dad's vision is when I think back to the way he sees it happening. He said something like this "I don't know which church they're going to go to, they might come to our family's church, or to theirs, and I haven't really talked to them, and I'm not going to push. I know that Baby Baptism is a big factor for your brother in making him not want to be part of the Lutherarn church. I just feel like if they start coming to our church, they'll find some friends and get connected and really find a place to plug in."

There are so many assumptions in that idea, that I'm just starting to wonder about. I've always assumed the same things. I guess one of the biggest assumptions is that if this couple joins a good church and gets involved, they will be drawn closer to Christ, the assumption that follows then is that the most practical way to draw someone to Christ is to bring them to our church meetings. I just keep asking myself; does this church, do these Sunday meetings, does "getting plugged in" really have a reliable track record of bringing people into deeper intimacy with the father?

Might there be a better way to try to help this couple and their daughter on their journey to knowing God, to living in fellowship with his Son, to living in the fullness of the Holy Spirit than bringing them to church? Will that be our offer or our answer if they ask us "how can we get closer to God?" Will we tell them to pray read their bible and go to church? It's what I've told people all my life, and I'm not sure that it's working.

Lord I'm trusting you for another option...
for me, my wife, for the children we'll have some day,
for those we minister to,
for my brother, for his wife, for their daughter, their family
for the whole world

2006-06-05T06:09:00.000-07:00

I guess in this last month, I've had more and more of a desire to use a platform like this to write my thoughts down. I want to be able to share them with selective people, and random people. Just not with anyone who wants to look though. That's why there is no indication of my identity here.

I love to journal. The problem with journaling, however, is that the final product, while precious, lacks the ability to look back at specific topics and trace my thinking over a period of time. It's also not as fast as typing. That's why this blog will try to follow a specific (although broad) topic. I'll use it as a portion of my journal; the portion where I process My wife's and my journey to contentment in God and a more authentic expression of his body.

Where did all of this start? A few months ago, my small group went through a 3 page list of common church practices; everything from witnessing to taking communion on the first Sunday of the months. We were to discuss whether each practice was 1. Commanded in the bible 2. Simply practiced in the New Testament, or 3. A tradition neither mentioned or commanded in the Bible. Over those months, I've began to see how many of the traditions so "normal" to us as American Christians have little or no root in the New Testament.

Then, about a month ago Askim and I got married. It was on our honeymoon that we both picked up the book "So you don't want to go to Church anymore" by Jake Colsen. although I was a little skeptical about the title, I was caught up by the book as quickly as she was. Since reading it, I've had all of these thoughts swarming through my head. The biggest one is probably this: Is "Church" as I've come to know it really doing anything to draw others closer to Christ? Is it doing anything to draw me closer to Christ?

At the same time, I'm a missionary. I'm living in a city of about a million people, in one of the least reached nations in the world. I've been living here for 2 years and my wife is local. As we look at the young people who've come into our "church" over the last years, we're burdened that they don't seem to be moving beyond pre-school maturity in their walks with Christ. Some are participating in the church, but it's hard to know if they really know him; others drift away, and we try to draw them back to the meeting (thinking it will draw them back to the Lord.) This is the context where the struggle is happening. The more I think about the more I realize that my little brothers and sisters in Christ are going to learn about what the "church" is from me and those around me. The criticalness of getting it right seems more and more crucial the longer I think about it.

We're starting to re-think everything, but mainly the church.

At the same time, this book has made me ask if I really know the Father the way he'd have me to. And is his church (as I know it) bringing me closer to him? As I think about it, I'm realizing that I'm trying to peddle a product that I'm really not satisfied with myself (no wonder I'm so ineffective at it.) I do believe in the product, I'm not satisfied with it right now. I wonder how many others are in the same shoes.

There's so much to think about, and I hope that writing here will help me to clear thoughts and to keep moving forward (toward a healthy relationship with God, and a healthy expression of his Body) as I think about these things.

I have so many things I'd like to explore, and people I'd like to share the journey with, we'll see who I end up inviting, and what I end up processing here, but for now, some future topics I'd like to explore may be:

our dreams for this country and what we see happen
the "baptism" issue and all the conflict it caused in our little fellowship
the oddities of being a church or ministry "leader"
what things in my past have brought me closest to Christ? Especially pertaining to community
conversations I have with people about these things
changed I'm seeing in myself

If you've read this; I'm glad. Welcome to my life,

chubred